Most of us have had that one co-worker.

The one who interrupts. The one who seems to make everything more complicated than it needs to be. The one who leaves you feeling irritated, drained, or oddly preoccupied long after the conversation is over.

In the hundreds of workshops I’ve taught over the years, this is one of the hottest topics of discussion.

Why this matters

Change and transition can make people more reactive. And when people feel unsettled, they can become defensive, controlling, and more emotionally charged.

That does not excuse their unhelpful behaviour. But it does mean that we may need to adjust our response.

I often hear that the other person is just “a narcissist” or “impossible.” That decision may provide a brief sense of clarity, but you can get stuck there.

You replay conversations and second-guess yourself. You brace before every interaction and start watching them too closely. Before long, the irritating person becomes a bigger presence in your mind than they are in real life.

This is the trap. Ruminating, with no way out of the spiral.

Rather than obsessing over everything they say and do, it’s healthier for you to stay clear about what is happening, and to respond in a way that protects your energy and your work.

What dysregulation can look like

When people are under stress or going through a transition, it can limit their ability to manage their emotions and behaviour.

You’ll often see it in the moment.  A conversation that was fine suddenly shifts.  The tone sharpens.  They interrupt.  They insert themselves where they don’t need to.

I’ve seen this show up as defensiveness or a need for control. Less room for feedback. More urgency than the situation calls for.

From the outside, that can look like narcissism, but that’s not the same thing. The more useful question is not what label do you give this person, it’s what kind of response helps you stay steady here.

What helps

Usually, the best response is simple, calm, and boring. Admittedly, not always easy to do.

The instinct in these moments is to correct them, push back, or prove your point. That often escalates things.

Staying steady looks different. Keep your language factual, your tone steady, and the conversation focused on work. Simple anchors like let’s stay with the facts, I’ll confirm by email, let’s bring this back on topic or here’s the next step can help.

If someone is activated or dysregulated, it’s better for you to stay grounded. You do not need to win the interaction. The goal is not to stoke the fire.  It’s to prevent it from getting worse.

A good guideline for yourself

These situations are genuinely hard to live with day in and out. One of the most important things you can do is stop making the other person the centre of gravity.

Don’t let yourself become obsessed by what they did or might do. Don’t track them endlessly or let your mood rise and fall based on their behaviour. It also means not discussing them endlessly with others. This just keeps it going.

You are allowed to notice what is difficult, and even vent occasionally, just don’t become consumed by it. During times of change, everyone is already stretched thin. Nobody has energy to spare on something they can’t change.

The real skill

In my experience, one of the most valuable things you can do is learn to work with difficult people without derailing yourself.

That does not mean condoning their behaviour and acting like everything is fine. It means staying clear, calm, and appropriately detached. It means protecting your attention and focusing on what you can influence.

You may never understand the other person completely. You do not need to.

What you do need is enough clarity to respond wisely, enough distance to stay sane, and enough discipline not to hand over your peace of mind.