Michael came to me five months after landing what looked like the right move on paper.
Director-level role. Better compensation. Solid company. Supportive boss.

He had done everything right.

And yet, five months in, something still felt off.

The work was fine. He was performing. But there was a low-level discomfort he could not shake. He felt like he was standing on the outside of something he was supposed to be inside of. He caught himself comparing how things worked at his old company. He missed the ease of relationships that did not require effort. He did not quite feel like himself yet.

When he finally said it out loud, there was frustration in his voice.
“I should be settled by now. What’s wrong with me?”

Here is what I told him.

Nothing is wrong with you. You made the change. You have not completed the transition.

Most people treat those as the same thing. They are not.

Change is external and event based. You accept the offer. You give notice. You show up. The change happens quickly.

Transition is internal and identity based. It unfolds as you let go of who you were in the old context and move into a new one. Over time, you begin to trust yourself again in this environment. Not just in title or responsibility, but in how you relate, decide, and belong.

The change was complete. The transition was still underway.

Five months in, Michael was in what William Bridges calls the Neutral Zone. Many people experience it simply as the messy middle of a transition.

Letting Go of More Than a Job

What Michael had left behind was not just a role. He had left relationships where people knew how he worked and trusted his judgment.  He left the confidence that comes from mastery. He knew the culture. He could read the room. He understood how things actually moved.

Most of all, he had left a version of himself that felt grounded and competent in that environment.

He had not acknowledged any of this. He moved straight into the next chapter, assuming the past did not need tending. But unacknowledged endings do not disappear. They linger.

The Messy Middle

The messy middle is where many people start to question themselves.

The old identity no longer fits. The new one has not taken shape yet.

This is where people say, “I do not feel like I belong,” even though they are doing the job well. Contribution can feel thinner, not because capability is missing, but because the relationships and context that make contribution meaningful have not formed yet.

The messy middle is disorienting by design. But many high-functioning leaders interpret uncertainty as failure. They push harder or quietly judge themselves for not being over it yet.

What I watch for in the messy middle is not performance. It is self-trust. The internal reference point that tells you who you are in this context is still being rebuilt.

What Actually Helped

Two things shifted Michael’s experience.

First, he named what he had actually lost. Not to dwell on it, but to acknowledge it. The ease. The familiarity. The sense of being known. Letting those losses be real stopped them from quietly running the show.

Second, he gave himself permission to be in the messy middle without pathologizing it. Five months was not too long. It was exactly what it looks like to be in the middle of a meaningful professional transition.

Once he stopped fighting where he was, he could work with it. He built new relationships without forcing them to replicate the old ones. He contributed without needing it to feel the same right away.

If you are several months into a change and still struggling, you might be right on schedule.

Nothing is wrong.
This is transition at work.